A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I'm back in York

Originally uploaded by sweet-indigo.
Sorry I haven't written for a while. I couldn't find a way to update this blog at home (and didn't realise I could update via Flickr... Duh! :) ), because security measures at home don't seem to like Blogger. I'm back in York. Term hasn't started yet, but Autumn definitely has... I was in denial, but now it's here.

So it's a slow start... I'm enjoying the rather languid pace right now. It's giving me the chance to get settled back in without getting stressed. My room is quite small, but I don't mind - as soon as I get a bookcase, it will transform into paradise :) Although the food naturally isn't as good, it's nice to be cooking for myself again. It's funny how satisfying autonomy can be. I've also been trying to get to know my housemates (or at least, the two that are here) a little better, but as usual I have the familiar feeling of weirdness when it comes to talking about Jesus. Evangelist, I ain't. Yet. I suspect most people are actually quite curious about what us weirdoes Christians do with our time, but silly old me seems to believe that people will think I'm judging or just a nutter, so in some ways I'd like for us to get to know each other a bit better, and let them know I go to church and things but wait until they ask the questions.

I was thinking about faith yesterday, and it occurred to me that although God is our fortress, many of us (well, me) act as if he's our shack - rickety and liable to collapse if not protected against harsh weather. I don't want to serve a pathetic God. I want to serve a powerful God who can, as the Bible says he can, protect me and provide for me. But I think doubts and questions and possible inconsistencies are treated with the kind of caution with which it'd be ridiculous to treat a rainstorm in a fortress. God is bigger than doubt. God is bigger than fear.

I confess, though this is all milling around in my brain, emotionally I still haven't caught on :) Old habits of timidity are still lingering, although definite progress has been made! (Praise God :) ) Little by little, I'm resolving to step out in faith and rely on God. I see this as a great experiment. If God is all powerful, loves us more than anything and hates sin more than anything, then it's of immediate relevance to everyone... So I don't want to be dishonest. I don't want to tell someone something I half-believe. So first of all, I'm going to try living God's way, and let him demonstrate his power and love. If doubts can shake him, if fear can hinder him, if danger is too much for him... then he's not the God he promises to be. But if he is, I'll have made the greatest discovery anyone can ever make! So I'm going to try trusting in him more, and hopefully we shall see where this takes me :)


  • At 9:37 am , Blogger Dr Moose said...

    I shall be watching with interest. It's good to see you back blogging again.

    What are you studying in York?


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