A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Scary Degree

Ick. I've just taken a look at my timetable and received an e-mail asking about my project and now I feel queasy.

It's not, actually, a problem with my timetable or even my project really. My timetable for this term looks deceptively nice. I have no 9.15s, which were the bane of my life in 2003-04, which means that although I'll probably want to get in the lab early, the occasional lie-in won't be such a disaster. I have most Tuesdays and Thursdays lecture free (meaning lots of lovely lab work, I'm sure :) ). OK, so I also have five hours of lectures on some Fridays, which means that I might be tempted to Pro-Plus (caffeine pill) consumption, especially as I have four hours consecutively in the afternoon (ending at 18.15. They are sadists. and masochists!). And really, the project write-up isn't too bad, I'm just procrastinating.

It's just... kind of daunting. I'm heartened that my supervisor tended to scold me rather than than look worried whenever I got bad exam results last year. If he'd looked concerned for my university career I think I would have just cause to worry. If he was simply sympathetic whenever I got bad results, then it'd be a good idea to quit, but since he actually seemed rather scandalised that I'd dare score badly, I suspect I do at least have a chance.

But it's frightening. To be honest, I think Biochemistry wasn't the best choice of degree :( Alas, my best A-level, Chemistry, would have been a disaster too (or perhaps not, they might have given better maths classes to the chemists... ours were useless). It's not that I'm bad at it per se, it's simply that I find it hard to care :) I don't like learning many many facts, and I find it hard to concentrate on journal articles and textbooks. Perhaps the project this year will be good - my project supervisor is a man who was one of the reasons why I came to York :) Dr. H is a really nice man who really loves his subject. And with no 9.15s I should at least find it easier to make it to all my lectures.

But I find my degree frightening. I am *not* going to quit but I'm frightened of failing. And though I know God still has plans for me no matter what, I also know he's placed me here for a reason and I don't want to mess up. Perhaps I should try trusting him a bit more :) It's pointless being afraid at this stage of the game... So perhaps I should go buy some chocolate and then get on with this project write-up.



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