A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Readers of a sensitive disposition advised not to read this article

YESTERDAY A WOMAN was caught feeding her baby in a public place, using not a bottle of formula made by Nestlé but her breast. Passers-by were shocked at this lewd indency.

Breastfeeding is a primitive practice primarily used by Africans and hippies, which involves using a woman's breast to feed an infant. In Norfolk, local hippie Margaret Boyle-White was caught in the act as she openly flaunted her breast on the High Street.

"I don't want to see this kind of thing. I think it's feminists trying to assert themselves." said Anon, 48, of Liverpool. Several others chimed in "If breastfeeding's natural, then can we urinate on the street?"

The old lady who raised the alarm, Mrs. S Freud, commented, "When I saw her doing it, I told a policeman straight away. I didn't ask her to stop because breastfeeding mothers are known for their violence against the elderly. It's disgusting that the baby was actually sucking her nipple. Highly inappropriate. Bare breasts should be reserved for the major tabloids where they belong, not in such blatant perversion."

But seriously, having read some of the comments on the BBC's Have Your Say... despite being amused that instead of complaining to the police, Mrs. Boyle-White complained to the Daily Mail (possibly the most evil paper in the history of mankind), I am still extremely disturbed by some of the anti-breastfeeding remarks. Basically story goes like this: mum breastfeeds. Elderly person complains to policeman. Policeman tells off mum, instead of telling elderly person to get a life and then going to do something useful.

I don't mind that people don't like it much. That's a matter of taste. It can make people uncomfortable. But some people seem to have decided that it ought to be banned. And many compared it to urination. One guy also compared it to nose-picking. Next time I get stopped by a policeman for nose-picking, I'll let you know...

I just really can't believe that anyone is that grossed out by a breast being used for its most important function. Especially given some of the semi-pornographic stuff on the front pages of magazines, in full view. Isn't breastfeeding better than a bawling baby? There also seem to be some people who'd, rather than children being seen and not heard, would like all children shipped off to an off-shore internment camp until their 18th birthday.

Why do people think they have the right not to be offended? Henceforth I will complain to a policeman whenever something offends me. And thus, the new world order:

Teenagers will only be allowed classical music in their stereos/iPods. They also will be banned from wearing any kind of jewellery with less than 50% precious metal. Television commercials will cease to exist. Anyone who uses the F-word more than 3 times in a public place will be silenced with duct tape. Babies will have three scents: Lemon Fresh, Alpine, and Fruits of the Forest. They will be entirely silent except for when someone waggles a finger, at which point they will break into utterly adorable giggles. No one will smoke, at all, unless it's a cinnamon incense stick. Anyone who uses the phrase "Political Correctness gone mad" will be shown every single episode of Balamory (perhaps the most politically correct children's show ever made). People who claim that A-levels are getting easier will sit A-levels. Politicians that claim that security comes before liberty will endure 90 days of detainment without trial. Authors of published works with obvious grammatical or spelling errors will be forced to write out the corrections 500 times. Little Britain will be cut by 80%. Tony Blair's nose will grow whenever he lies. And Michael Howard's smile will be pixellated whenever he is on television.



  • At 10:19 am , Blogger Dr Moose said...

    Loved your vision of a totalitarian regime (and yes, Balamory is like that isn't it?) - as opposed to the one that tries to hide natural (ecologocally, biologically, environmentally sound) things as much as possible.

    When GLW(1) was breastfeeding LM(2) in public places I expected disapproval, but maybe that was an innate, illogical embarrasment. And since number 2 is due in January I will just have to get used to it - and so will MLPK(3) - 'cos bluff Yorkshire GLW won't budge an inch!

    1 = Good Lady Wife
    2 = Little Monster
    3 = My Little Part of Kent

  • At 10:23 am , Blogger Dr Moose said...

    Almost as bad as talking about... you know... revocation of breathing priveleges, joining the choir invisible, going away, passing on, going the way of all flesh... in public.

    Lock all such cases in hospitals and hopsices and pretend it will go away, and not happen to me. NOT!


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