A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Work angst

Hi folks,

I do miss blogging. Admittedly I don't have much new to contribute. I keep thinking of bizarre entries I could write. I was thinking of writing one in praise of Cheese, the musical genre rather than the dairy product.

I would also like to add that I am a bit too delighted that Alan Davies actually won QI this evening.

Also, I think I might love my job.

If only I didn't have the ever-present fear of really screwing up...

The thing is, I like being able to work without supervision; trusted to get on with the job and not being treated like a little kid who needs a task to keep her busy. And I like the people I work with, I feel that I really make a difference to their lives and also I'm learning a lot about effective communication and the best ways of working with people. Oh, and I've had some great feedback.

I like responsibility... but I'm also scared that one day I'll make an almighty mistake. It would be OK if I worked with computers or genes or even genuine Italian food, but I happen to work with the elderly and disabled, I'm not very experienced and I've been known to be rather scatty. I could easily live with myself if I broke a computer, a gene or a Milano salami, but at times I find it hard to trust myself with vulnerable people. I guess the point being that I don't care about computers, genes and salami, but I do care, very much, about people.

Today I had a bit of an incident (not entirely sure if it was all my fault...). It turned out not to be as spectacularly disastrous as it might have been - and perhaps, I don't know, it was never going to be as bad as I thought - and I informed the client's main carer what had happened. He seemed fairly unconcerned, probably because the incident had passed and his imagination is not nearly as vivid as mine. Actually he told me it had happened before, possibly as an attempt to reassure me it wasn't simply my own incompetence.

I am never going to make that particular mistake again, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried. I wish I could trust myself.

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