A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Does my job need more meaning?

I know this post is criminally close to the last one. Don't start getting ideas, I'm borrowing Sophie's computer because she's away in Eastern Europe.

Been thinking much about work lately. That is possibly because I am married to my job. Seriously, I don't just enjoy it, I think about it all the time, I endured a pay cut so I could have it permanently, I spend my free time thinking about how I could do it better...

The bad thing about this is it kind ruins "What do you do?" conversations. I say "I do drama with adults with learning disabilities" and I admit I often think, subconciously, "Haha, beat that!" It's terrible.

Part of the reason for my love is because I really like my co-workers. This has also ruined conversations. We had a member of staff from the day centre where I used to work who asked me which of the staff I missed there. I honestly couldn't think of anyone, besides one whom I still see (Hi Mark! :) ). And, it's sort of hard to miss someone who's still around. For the first time in a long time, I get what it means to work in a team, I feel like I have a part in it - I'm neither hovering somewhere looking embarrassed (my position in most sports) nor carrying everyone else. I have my own part and that is very nice.

Also, and it really should go without saying, I really care about - and like - the guys I support. They're lots of fun. And most of them have wicked senses of humour.

The weird thing about my co-workers, though, is that since our ex-Glorious Leader sort-of offered me a possible job for the future for more money, that they don't just think I'd do it for the money, they believe this would be a perfectly valid reason to. They wouldn't think I'd split on them lured by the lucre, they'd probably congratulate me on a choice well made. Arguably, the fact that I find this weird says more about me than it really does about them. But as I sort of hinted in my previous post, I want some kind of hope and purpose, some kind of meaning! Have actually looked at the website for L'Arche with the vague idea of becoming an "assistant" in one of their communities. Have no doubt that my colleagues would think this is kinda nuts, I mean, it would mean moving again for a job that probably pays less but is probably more intense than mine at the moment...

But it would mean working for an organisation that actually cares. I mean, working for the NHS is kinda disheartening after a while. What the heck am I doing in "health" anyway? I'm a support worker! I should be in support! And why does there have to be so much management? What do these people do all day anyway?

Sigh. So basically I am doing a job I love but slightly guiltily pining for something "more". But what is more? If all the caring people leave the NHS, who would that leave? There isn't enough room to send all the people with LDs to L'Arche.

Who knows? Want to go and visit one of L'Arche's communities anyway :)

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