A Curious Girl

The musings of a girl who is curious in both senses of the word. Life, God, and York. Oh, did I say York? I meant Bradford!

Friday, December 23, 2011


"I'm so lonely."

"Is that all?"

He lifted his head and stared at her incredulously. He had not expected that.

"Everyone is lonely, dear," she explained, drawing him close to her. "We touch other people only briefly, then we're alone again. You'll get used to it in time."

- David Eddings, Castle of Wizardry

Shyness is probably my fatal flaw. That and some kind of awkwardness or something. I feel like an alien sometimes, going about in comedy sitcom fashion, trying to work out the rules that are obvious to everyone else. It feels like everyone else falls into being friends with each other so easily, but this alien's still looking for the rulebook on how to make friends.

I was at a party tonight, and although I know and like a lot of people who were there, I found myself wishing that my boyfriend were with me... which is, you know, normal. I wanted him to meet the people that I know and like, and maybe have a picture taken and...

Make me feel special.

I sometimes feel like I wander through life not leaving a mark, like people forget me when I'm not there, like I could walk in snow and not leave a footprint... and I felt a little like I was drifting. Not ignored exactly, but a bit inconsequential. Of course I wanted my boyfriend there because I like him and enjoy spending time with him, but I realised I also just wanted to be part of a team, a cog in a machine not just a bit of useless decorative detail on the casing...

So lonely...

I want to matter, is that so wrong?


  • At 1:11 pm , Blogger Lois said...

    Massive hugs! I've felt exactly the same on many occassions, nothing wrong with it I'm sure. One thing I was actually thinking of earlier was how many people who seem to be at ease and make friends easily are actually acting, presenting a version of themselves that's how they want people to see them. Not everyone, but some people. Perhaps people like you & me that maybe struggle with that are more honest.

    Whatever, hugs. And happy Christmas.


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